|human behaviour (Photo credit: chinnian)|
Stage four of Changing the way we are
True change only comes from the recognition in the value of options and the understanding it is us that are responsible for the choices we make or have made. Think about this, it isn't an omnipotent being that forced us to choose how we live how we do. It is our choice that somewhere during our days as children we made a subconscious decision to grow into who we have become. All too often we find it easier to point the finger at others outside of ourselves to blame, when in fact we should hold our own selves responsible.
Attacking the Issues
It has been found that a lot of person behavioral patterns stem from a deep emotional disturbance we have never come to terms with by denying that it exists. Therefore, we manifest certain patterns of behavior to compensate. Many patterns emerge, bullying, passivity, sexual abuse drug abuse, addictive tendencies, extroversion, promiscuity, the list goes on and yet it is our very nature to deny the plain and simple truth that we cause our own problems.
In the fourth stage of change we finally take action, this is not the first step. The first was recognizing an issue, the second was building awareness, and the third is preparation for the beginning to change. Here than in the fourth stage we take action by make the first moves towards new behaviors. This is actually an important step in the process because this is where we begin by changing the way we think. This is to say we learn to relax and consider the consequences of the temptation we are negating and make a conscious decisive choice not to participate.
What we do is implement the substitution program that we manufactured in the preparation for our change. During this stage, we begin to understand the importance of “countering techniques” and use them to implement healthier substations for the undesirable behaviors we are going to change.
Learn to defeat daily temptations
Be mindful of procrastination and regressions these will always have a presence only because during the complete program we are changing the way our mind works and thinks. This begins with taking control of our conscious actions and our subconscious thoughts that drive our behaviors. One way to do this is by “countering,” this is the action of introducing a newer behavior to replace the old one i.e. substitution.
It is easier to learn a new behavior than to forget an old one. The likely hood of failure is always going to be present. However, the key is persistence in presenting the changes. Albeit, when we attempt something with too much effort and focus we tend to hit walls. It is like fighting an opponent armed with a sword without ourselves having one.
This is why planning and preparation become before action. You must have an alternative behavior you want to replace the old one. This give you something to focus on thereby when you face temptation you can switch gears, so to speak, and combat the situation by turning your attentions to the new behavior instead. There will be pitfalls, regressions, and remorse for temporary failures. This is when you stay focused on the countering and substitution techniques.
Additionally, in a sense if you stop trying to change the old and instead focus on the new the manifestation of the old disappears and the new becomes your reality. This is paramount in the process of change. There are two further stages that take place that I will save for later discussions, for the time being begin your change by taking action as described here. I have provide the links to previous articles discussing the stages that precede this one within the text.